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Looking for My Purpose

By Crickettt

Perseverance: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, Because, you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. (James 1:2-3, NIV)

Joy: You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. (Psalms 16:11, NIV)

Do you ever find yourself wondering exactly what it is you’re supposed to do with your life?  The years go by and you still feel as though you’ve accomplished nothing significant.  Loneliness sets in at times and the feelings of not being useful enough seem to follow right behind.  You truly have no idea why these feelings would ever rise up inside like that when God is by your side.  I have often found myself dwelling on what could have been or should have been.  How did I come to this place of discontentment?  Did I miss God’s plan?  How could I let the only God who has given His all for me down?  And how can I reverse all these feelings and start over?

So many questions, but no immediate answers.  Are you seeing all this God?  Do you see my troubled heart and how it hurts sometimes Father?  I just want to feel whole again as a person.  I want to know that my life matters and is pleasing to you God somehow in the midst of all my frustrations and mistakes.  This quest to find my purpose has been a long journey for me.  I have stopped along the way testing out different avenues in order to share Christ with others.  I would keep reading scriptures, praying and hoping that the answers would come soon.  I’ve questioned my abilities, my gifts and talents for God and finally I came to a place where I just needed to stop, sit down and be still before Him.  I put so much pressure on myself needlessly for a long time.  I had to bring it all before Him and ask God,  “Will you cleanse me of all my unrighteousness and renew a right spirit within me?  Will you help me find my way back to your purpose for me?

I finally came to that place in my life where I had to give everything over to Him and let go once and for all.  My mistake all these years was walking in different directions without consulting God first.  I didn’t bother to stop and ask God if I should do this or that.  I thought as long as I was doing something, it must be right.  I wasn’t following my heart, so I couldn’t find peace in those directions.  I became burned out and disappointed.  I just couldn’t find my way and felt lost inside and not good enough for the tasks in front of me.  I was still the same person and wanted to minister to others.  I wanted them to have that opportunity to receive salvation and change their life forever.  As I tried all those different directions, I realized something wasn’t right.  The passion I once had, and the fire inside me was going out slowly, due to my own personal struggles.  I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong.  Why wasn’t anything going right and why did it seem as if the doors kept closing?  Whatever the case may be, I apparently was walking through something that I did not understand.  That day, after I stopped and turned it over to God, I prayed, "Lord, I thank you for hearing me and knowing my heart.  You see all these struggles inside and how I have tried to do things my way.  Please Father, take this life and turn it around so your perfect plan will be complete in me".

God knew me, He alone knew the real me.  The person who loves Him so deeply and yet, struggles at times to find my place in this world.  I still wanted to leave something good behind for others.  I needed to take a breath and find rest in the presence of the Lord.

I am often preoccupied by something else always going on around me.  I keep asking myself, where do I go from here?  How do I find my so-called purpose?  Is it truly right in front of me or do I still have much searching to do?  I know there has to be others just like me who must feel this same way too at times.  There are days when I feel like I can conquer the world and other days, I feel frustrated with myself.

I started out on fire for God, running full speed ahead and, SURPRISE, there’s another road block hindering my way.  I have to stop and judge the situation once again and ask God for His guidance to see if maybe I took the wrong route once again.  Rethinking everything and wondering if this is actually the direction I am supposed to be heading in, I found myself sinking into a hole of confusion not knowing what to do next.  I don’t want to miss this opportunity with God and I sure don’t want to fall flat on my face either.  There are so many different avenues to consider as well but, “which one?”  I know that confusion is not from God and the devil would love to get me off track and going down the wrong path.  He’s waiting for me to mess up, so I’ll get discouraged and quit completely.  I’ve learned along the way that I can resist him using God’s Word and he has to flee.  Thankfully, the Holy Spirit is right there with me, always urging me along the way and encouraging me not to give up.  When Jesus ascended to the Father, He told His disciples that He would send the Holy Spirit to come and live inside of every believer in order to teach, counsel, help, guide and instruct them in the right path for their life.  That is how God speaks to us and His voice is clear when we stop to pray and listen.  I came to the final realization that all I could do is place this before God, walk in faith and believe that every next step I take would lead me to His next step for me.  That is truly all I need to know about my purpose in life.  Whatever I have to face, I am never alone.  Jesus walks with me and holds my hand.

Someone once told me that the greatest joys in life come from being patient and waiting on God.  I have discovered this is true for my own life.  He has sent many wonderful surprises my way when I least expected it during very troubling times.  God knows everything about us and when we truly desire His Will for our life, He will bring good things our way to encourage us.  He is our strength when we are weak and picks us up when we make a wrong choice and become discouraged.  It is all a continual learning process and we are supposed to keep pushing forward toward the final prize that awaits us.  I think my true purpose is to keep following my heart’s desire by ministering to others through my writings.  The Holy Spirit speaks and inspires me and without Him, I could not do this.  Everyone has been given a gift and talent and a purpose to be fulfilled.  We will know that purpose as we keep asking, seeking and knocking.  God has promised this to us in Jeremiah 29:11-(Living Bible)- For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, they are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

I choose to continue on sharing Christ with others so they can become saved and set free from the bondage of sin.  I want them to know there is a greater purpose for their life.

No matter what lies ahead for me, God will see me through it so that His purpose is made complete.  I choose to fight the good fight of faith and finish my race knowing God is in control.

I hope you will keep moving forward too in your search and in your purpose of God’s plan.  Remember, every struggle is worth it when another person comes to know the Lord because you chose to reach out.

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